Who Am I?

Since moving to New York my whole identity has shifted. I am a real stay at home mom with no job, my yoga practice has suffered and changed, and I feel like a newlywed and not in a good way.

I worked, albeit part time as a yoga teacher, from three weeks after my daughter was born. It was only a few hours a week but it was a way to keep intact part of my pre-child identity. I still got to be there for nearly every moment of Sadie’s first year (is that a good thing?!) but still got to do my own thing a couple times a week. After we moved I’ve struggled to figure out how best to reenter the teaching world. It might surprise you to learn that New York is different from Chicago. Aside from being saturated with teachers itching to book teaching jobs, I don’t know any studio owners or have friends who can make introductions. No one has heard of where I got my teaching credentials and to be frank, the style of yoga here is a bit different.

When relocating to a different state, there are obvious things that you are leaving behind:  friends, family, your home, jobs, routines, familiarity, etc. I get that. My challenge now is the little nuances that made each of those relationships meaningful. Walking down the hall to visit my sister, brother in law, and nephew is no longer an option. Just being able to see them regularly was great enough, but throwing in a last minute baby sitter or a shoulder to cry on or Friday afternoon cocktail hour was pure gold.

I took for granted having a yoga studio be a constant in my life for three years where I knew the teachers, the smell, how to get there, and that each class was going to give me exactly what I needed.

I feel so alone. My husband works and is gone for about fifty hours a week. I don’t know any other mothers with children my age and I am sometimes bitter that I have to make the effort to form new relationships. I feel like I gave up my entire life and don’t know who I am anymore. I liked things the way they were and am mourning my losses. People like to share their envy and excitement for me when they learn where I live. It’s nice and they mean well. But sometimes it’s hard not to shout in their faces that I could care less about moving to New York and sacrificing everything I had. I didn’t realize how much I enjoyed the comfort of familiarity until it was gone. My days are spent going through the motions, ensuring that all my baby’s needs are met when they need to be met and doing my best to keep her fulfilled. My days are not spent fulfilling my own needs.

Often, I am resentful of our move and sad. And this is where I come to the biggest challenge of all. My husband wanted this. He wanted this job and wanted this change to better himself and our family. It’s hard to remember that his intentions are noble and meant to improve our lives. How do I support him? How do I grieve and mourn without blaming him? How do I find purpose? This guilt is thrown on to my already large pile of self pity, sadness, and anger.

What does this have to do with feeling like a newlywed? Going through such a big move , with so much sacrifice has caused us to revisit all those new things you learn upon getting married:  compromise, selflessness, over communicating to avoid a battle when your partner didn’t read your mind. These were hard the first time around and they are hard now.

I’m scared. I know adjusting to a move takes time, it’s one of the biggest life changes one can make. When we moved to San Francisco, sure it was hard. But we were able to throw ourselves into our new community. I found a job that I really liked right away, Scott made friends for us that lived nearby, I found yoga, and most importantly we found wine country and good brew pubs.

Most days I know it will get better, others I contemplate the logistics for moving back to Chicago the upcoming weekend. Grief is a process where you explore what was lost and try to find a way to move forward. Letting go of the past and what I had is the hardest part. And the fact of the matter is I have little choice in remaining in the past. Time keeps moving on, so should I.

New York: Day One

God, the past two days have been so boring. No offense Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Jersey but I need more to look at than an RV Hall of Fame and signs for a restaurant called A Real Burrito. Gross! And what was up with the hour and a half wait at the Olive Garden? It’s not even real food, people! Not that we ate there or anything.

This traffic is starting to pile up. Where were all you people yesterday? Well dear, I guess this is the last moment before we “move”  our sweet baby and dog buddy with us to New York.  WTF, we have to pay a $13 entrance fee or “toll” as they like to call it?  Mild enough weather, nice to see the sun. Parking spot on the street in front of our home away from home? Don’t mind if I do! This weather not mild enough for my baby to be outside sans jacket and socks.  Get her dressed! Hurumph, dear.

No, I booked this place. Why? How bad can it be? It’s just for a couple of days until we get our stuff delivered to our $17,000 apartment. No it’s fine that I have to walk sideways to get through the entry hall. Hmmmm. I mean, I can see where they are going decor wise with trying to represent every eastern philosophy and using every available square inch of their real estate here, but I wouldn’t have made these decisions. How bad can it be?

Shit! Baby is crawling over to that broken mirror at perfect baby level. I thought they said this was baby friendly. Baby girl what do you have?! OMG this is crusty roach killing gel she just found under fridge. Sweet baby, you are covered in dust and lint from crawling around on these allegedly clean floors. Buddy, don’t eat that! Hmmmm.

Dear, can you run and take our rental car to a garage, where our fully packed car will remain safe from burglars trying to fence stolen bed linens, the dog crate, plants, and hangers?  I’ll set up the Pack n’ Play in the second “bedroom”, baby is getting tired.  Shit, she just closed the door and some huge and heavy metal thing crashed on her tiny little legs.  I haven’t heard her scream this badly in a while. OK, this could be better but so far could also be worse.

Time to bathe the baby! Is that old soap crusted to the bottom of the their mauve colored, cracked tub?  Gross!  Oh, well.  Came off easily enough.  Great, either scalding hot or ice cold. You gotta wait angel baby, I have to alternate between the water temperatures. This bath water looks kind of filmy. Wait, what’s that floating around in the bath water? Sick! Hair and more dust and lint!  I swear to god that’s a pube. Sick! Gotta get this baby out of there!

I’m going to put your PJs on baby girl, but I don’t really want to set you down because you’ll get dirty.  OK, fine, I guess just get down, you must have gotten most of the dirt of the floor before your bath.  Shit, covered in dust bunnies already.  At least we have wine and can watch the Oscars.  Don’t mind if I do!

Pizza is on the way, baby is in her bed.  It’s kind of cold in here.  I need to find a sweater.  I hope she’s OK.  Pizza is good!  Wine is good!  Oscars are meh.  I’m pretty tired, geeze dear, you still have that cough?  Well let’s go to bed.

Hmmm. I think this is a futon mattress masquerading as a bed.  My feet are falling off the end!  Oh, buddy it’s ok.  I know we can hear every sound every person and every dog makes and every slam of every door, but it’s ok.  Fine, you can come in bed with us.  Shit, there’s not enough covers for both of us. It’s still pretty cold in here. I hope the dog warms me up.  Do you think she’s ok, dear? Buddy, you don’t have to be on high alert for every sound.  Please, let’s just sleep. I’m so tired.

Dog shifting, husband coughing, me freezing. This won’t work. Time to “wake” up, it’s 6:30a. I’ll go get the baby out of her room. Shit, this room is basically an ice box. Didn’t seem to bother her but I hope she doesn’t suffer long term damage. Can you get hypothermia later?

So I see a coffee pot all the way up there but we don’t have any ground coffee or filters or counter space to place the pot. Thanks dear, yes please go find us coffee.  And breakfast. Wow it is really hard to feed a baby with out a high chair. She only had a few bites of food. Hopefully she will eat more at lunch.

Oh crap! I need to schedule our sofa bed delivery time for today so we can get the hell out of this shit hole! What do you mean lady? I was confirmed for today. Yes please, tomorrow at the earliest time will have to do.

Tears, tears, and more tears. I can’t stay here until our stuff comes. It’s gross and cold and uncomfortable and I’m so tired. I haven’t slept a full night in almost two weeks. Sniffle, sniffle, yes an air mattress on the floor of our $17,000 apartment will be fine. I don’t want to move to a hotel and then move out of here and then move into our apartment. I just want to be in our place. Yes, that makes me feel better. Thank you.

OMG, yes please take the dog with you to work. That would be so wonderful. I’ll call you after I get the keys. I’m so excited to go to our apartment! At least she is napping and there is wireless internet here. Call mom, sob, complain, sob. Call sisters, sob, complain, sob.

Time to get the baby up and see if she will eat! NO??? Please, sweet baby. I’m worried about you. You were sick last week, you’re still not fully hydrated. Please just eat or drink. NO??? This is a nightmare! Cold piece of pizza? Don’t mind if I do.

Time to go to our place. Wow, so sunny! This will be a nice walk. Here we are, at our building. It’s so pretty. I forgot to put on real socks and now I have blisters. Oh well. We are home! Home is where our $17,000 is! I wish that saying didn’t end in a preposition.

Hi! Yes I am here for my keys. I’m new. Up the elevator, oh yes I remember those weird but kind of ok wall decals in the hall. I wonder if they are only on our floor. Here’s our place. OMG, I’m so excited. I think Sadie and I should just stay here. She can sleep in her stroller. Wait, why are there men working? Our lease started four days ago. This looks serious. What do you mean we can’t stay here until tomorrow at the earliest? No, no that will not do. Tears are coming, must stop them, tears are coming, must stop them. Yes, we are fine with opening the windows, it’s only 35 degrees. That’s balmy compared to Chicago right now. Sure, fine we will all sleep in the back bedroom. Can I at least leave all the shit in that closet that I lugged over a mile? Great, thanks.

OK, sweet baby. I guess we have to go back to our other place. Please eat or drink, my angel. I’m so worried about you. Please eat something. Alright, well you have to try to nap. Call Mom, sob, complain, sob. Call sisters, sob, complain, sob. I just need to get the hell out of here.

Time to get the baby up! Hopefully she will eat or drink SOMETHING. She’s in good spirits I guess. What was that? Did you just…? Sweet baby, that is some nasty diarrhea. I can only find three wipes! Please eat, baby girl, I’m so worried.

Yes, dear, I need you to skip that meeting or risk the baby and me hightailing it all the way back to Chicago. Please come here now and help us move all our stuff to our $17,000 apartment. Pack, cram, pack. Ready to go!

Sure, I’ll watch Friends.

Cold piece of pizza? Don’t mind if I do. Yay, they’re here! Let’s go right now. Baby girl please get out of the trash. Seriously, we have to go. You drive the car, I’ll walk the babies and meet you there. Do you know how to get there? Great. See you in 20.

Oh, hi. Great parking space! Here is your door key, I have mine. I’ll watch the kids and start airing out the apartment. You bring the stuff up. Hey that’s a lot for the first load! Wait, what? What do you mean you lost your key? I just gave it to you. Where did it go? What do you mean you lost it in the door? How does that even happen. I guess take mine. Shit. Hurumph, dear.

FUCKSHITGODDAMNIT. Well there goes our coffee mugs I so expertly packed so we could have coffee. Oh, hi. Yes, I’m fine. The bottom fell out of this box and I broke some stuff and the baby is trying to escape into the hallway. Totally fine. What’s wrong? What happened? You broke my Nowhere Man. Are you sure? ……………… OK. It’s ok. Let’s just get this done.

Hey! You’re moving at quite a clip! What do you mean you lost the key? My key? That can’t be. Where did you lose it? You think in a bag? What bag? Did you LOOK in that bag? Just move, for fuck’s sake. Stop helping. I’ll find it. Oh, thank god. Here it is. Put it in the same place, every time. Please.

God, that took forever. Ok, you go take the car back to the rental company and I will order food, put the baby down and blow up the air mattress. Please eat sweet baby. I’m so worried about you. Fine, just go to sleep. Please wake up in the morning.

OK, air mattress, let’s do this. I’m so tired. “Place blow dryer directly to valve, put on cool setting and watch your bed inflate!” Uhhhh, nothing is happening. I am going to have to blow this damn thing up manually. I haven’t slept or eaten all day, really. I hope I don’t pass out.

Dear, I can’t get this fucking thing to inflate. What? Oh. Oh, yes I see. Well, fine. Thanks. That was easy.

Want some wine? God, that food was incredible. Yeah, the smell is bad but it’s better than that other place. I hope we don’t poison the baby. Let’s make the bed and go to sleep. I may die if I don’t sleep. You still have the cough, huh? At least it’s warm in here. Nyquil? Don’t mind if I do!

Forgive and Move On

Happy New Year. Or is it? For most, the New Year is a time to reflect on the past and resolve to change our bad habits into good in the future. It’s easy to look over 2012 and say, wow I sure did eat and drink too much with out exercising nearly enough and boy I wish I had read more books and not watched that episode of Law and Order for the seventeenth time while drinking copious amounts of coffee instead of water. So this year I vow to fix all of that!

(note: I do not intend to fix all of that)

How many of our well meaning resolutions can we actually take and implement? I, for instance, have a child. That lends little time to self improvement. I don’t mean to imply those with children are incapable of taking the time to make better decisions and improve their quality of life. But let’s be honest, out of the sixteen or so hours that I am awake, ten of them are spent feeding, chasing, getting her napped, and cleaning. Forgive me, but for my remaining six sometimes I just want to sit down and watch House Hunters! And I’m pretty sure people without kids have just as much on their plate.

So what’s with all the pressure to change one’s self at the beginning of the year?

After asking around as to some of my well respected friends and family members, I was surprised to learn that everyone planned to make resolutions! Are we that dissatisfied and/or disappointed with our life that we all have to change and improve each year? Or is it that as we get older our priorities evolve (hopefully) and so each new January creates a new set of values or life decisions that reflect our shifted selves?

The best resolution I have heard, no disrespect yall, was from a friend of my husband who has decided that this year he plans to tell better stories. I love this! Not so much the actual resolution, though it is very laudable and kind to those hearing said stories, but he plans to try to improve on something he already likes doing. He has shoved aside the age old adage of out with the bad in with the good and traded it for hey, I’m already doing alright, but maybe I could do a little better!
My husbands friend has inspired me to change the way I view the gift of a clean slate at New Years. Instead of trying to stop certain unhealthy habits and choices cold turkey, this year I am going to try to just do better. And if I don’t, I am going to forgive myself and move on. Parents, wives, husbands, family members, geeze, let’s face it, everybody deal with enough commitment as it is. The last thing we need is to feel like a failure when an obligatory resolution falls through the cracks as the days of January fade away. I can list a few things I think I am good at, could perhaps enhance a bit and go from there. Having awareness of one’s shortcomings and feeling motivated to be a better person are good things. So to those who are chucking the potatoes for carrots and replacing the couch cushions for yoga mats (shameless plug, get over it) I commend you! But if one rainy Saturday finds you curled up with a fresh bag of Doritos and a marathon of Homeland, that’s OK, call me and I’ll join you.

Second Fall

Some businesses feel they are successful if they have managed to stay open for one full year.  If that’s the case, count us in the “we made it!” group.  This past August our little-yoga-studio-that-could celebrated its one year birthday.  We had a lovely celebration of yoga, cupcakes and good community.  I’m always shocked at how quickly time can pass and how much STUFF can be crammed into just one year.  This past year has held many teacher changes, a growing yogic community and several studio identities.

As any small business owner can surely understand, finding an identity that works can be the trickiest part of business longevity. When we first opened I attempted to trace the blueprints of my favorite Chicago yoga studio, without recognizing that since that yoga studio already existed and was doing quite well, maybe something different was needed.  At the time, I thought that meant we would easily find eager similar yogis willing to give us a try.  However, after a few months and taking several steps back to assess how things were going it became clear that my initial idea wasn’t the best one.  That realization led to our identity renovation in March.  We completely revamped our schedule, fine tuned our philosophy and dropped all of our prices.  Seven months later I am happy to tell you that we have realized an identity in which we can believe.

Is it a challenge to have lower prices and all-levels classes?  Absolutely.  We aren’t raking in the big bucks and it can produce a quandary when you have a room full of seasoned yogis and one yogi who is attending their first ever class.  But that’s the beauty of yoga!  It’s humbling to remember my first yoga class, having to crane my neck to see if in fact the other students also heard the teacher calmly ask us to lift our toes of the floor and balance on our hands (what??) in something called crow pose.  So, at times, while I admit to being a bit flustered by the wide eyed newbie yogi, it can be pretty powerful watching them go through an entire class without throwing up their hands and saying screw this, I’m out. By having all levels of students in the same room, moving through the same poses a visceral sense of coming together fills the studio to an almost tangible point.  Last but not least-let’s be honest, it takes a lot of balls to come into a room full of strangers, take of your shoes, move around in a confined area and breeeeeeeathe.  Or even just breathe.

It’s hard to explain the feeling when you hear students after class meeting each other, exchanging contact information and planning yoga dates.  Times like this remind me that yes, while I initially opened this studio for selfish reasons (to have a studio within walking distance with awesome teachers), it’s so much bigger than that.  I sadly often forget that I didn’t continue practicing yoga because it made my physical body toned and super fly.  I continued to practice yoga because how it made me feel inside:   the natural high, a strange sense of optimism, the feeling that everything seems a little easier and peace. Some people get “that feeling” when they go to church.  I get it when I teach and practice yoga.

All in all it has been a great year for the studio.  We’ve gone through shifts and waves, we made it through a Groupon, and we still get new faces everyday who leave with that just done yoga serene smile.  I’m proud of what we’ve built.  I’m proud of who we’ve become.  And I’m excited to see where we go.

Whoops!

Basically in May I went on two vacations, subsequently got knocked up and forgot how to think clearly enough to write. Anything. Stay tuned, I actually have lots to say.

Confessions of a Yogi

I admit it.  I am a yogi and teacher that wears a lot of lululemon clothes.  Is it because I am vain?  No.  Is it because I need to wear labels?  No.  Is it because I am trying to sell my yoga studio by wearing really tight, brightly colored outfits?  No….I don’t think.Kidding, the answer is still no.

The reason I wear lululemon is simple.  I own a studio where I teach everyday, usually more than once.  Also, I have a daily practice.  And finally, I sweat. A lot.  This means, for me, that I need clothes that are going to last a long time, being washed at least once a week.  This also means that they need to not grow three times the original size while I am pouring buckets in the middle of pincha mayurasana during my 90 minute class. And by the way, I want clothes that fit me well even when I am doing the most convoluted yoga pose. It’s no fun to come out of compass only to realize that I’m showing a whole lot more skin than necessary.

I know, I know.  It’s my duty as a respectable yogi to rail against those who try and force the men and women doing downward dog to pay inflated prices to be what one dork calls lemmings in stretchy pants.  But if part of the problem with LLL is their arguably high pricing, why not call out the studios who are nearly pricing people of their practice?

I recycle, I’m a vegetarian, and I buy local when it’s an option.  I do my part to be a conscious human on the planet.  My practice and teaching aren’t compromised by the fact that my butt sometimes features a label that is either the outline of a lady with 60s hairstyle or the omega symbol.  I can’t tell.  Besides, it seems a bit counter-productive to judge a yogi by his or her tank top.

In closing, I would just like to remind us that everyone who comes to a yoga class is in some way trying to better themselves.  That’s a good thing.  So who cares if they decided to go with a LLL outfit or whatever else.  We’re just glad you’re here.

Just Yoga

I have been wanting to write about donation yoga for a while and haven’t been able to articulate what I want to say.  It seems like a very straight-forward idea, people coming to practice and breathe together in an affordable way.  The only thing that is discounted is the cost.  Yet, here in Chicago people appear unimpressed with the notion.

When I opened Imagine, I really wanted to do a donation only studio.  Doing yoga should not be unattainable, it should not be out of anyone’s price range.  The first year of my practice I was lucky to only have to pay five dollars a class.  I want people to be able to practice as often as they want without having to forfeit their rent.  Of course, we have to be able to keep our doors open, but I optimistically hope that providing a space for people to better themselves both mentally and physically, the money will just fall into place.

My plan was to model our studio after my favorite yoga studio in the city, who basically made a duplicate model of their traditional studio only this location was donation only.  I thought it was genius!  Give people the same teachers, the same classes but let them pay what they can.  How could this not work?

My favorite studio recently ended this experiment.  It left me feeling very sad for the students who were able to take advantage of fabulous teachers sharing the gift of yoga to anyone who could chip in a few bucks.  Donation yoga isn’t a new idea or even an original one.  There are several studios all over the country who only have pay what you can yoga.  And they are wildly successful.  So why not here?  What is it that turns people off?

At many studios in the city (including my favorite) you can walk in to a class with 60 eager yogis, all who paid full price.  You walk in a donation class and there is maybe 10 eager yogis.  It doesn’t seem to matter that it could be the same teacher teaching the packed to the gills class!  So I ask again, what is it about donation yoga in Chicago that doesn’t work?

It could be that people associate donation with cheap and perhaps assume the class won’t be a quality class.  Or maybe people like the idea of spending money.  Or worse, some yogis may not want to practice with people who cannot afford to pay drop in fees.  I hope that’s not the case.  But who knows?  I digress, this post isn’t about trying to delve into the collective psyche of Chicagoans.

A small idea finally started to form in my head after months of incessantly looking at studios such as Yoga to the People and Black Swan Yoga in Austin, Texas.  And one day it came out in such an obvious way, I felt silly for my inner dueling of what they were doing and what we weren’t.  It’s so plain and so simple.

Those studios are not running a traditional format.  In every sense of the word. There are no levels, there are minimal class variations.  The basic idea is, you show at the time class starts and you do yoga.  That’s it.  End of story.  How could I have missed the most essential part of their formula?  By forcing students to try and mold themselves into a certain level of practitioner or making them choose between the seemingly endless types of yoga, you are making it harder for them to just do yoga.

I don’t mean to say that I don’t respect different styles of yoga, I do, very much.  But by giving the teacher license to teach in their style at their designated time, the student’s only responsibility is to find a class time that fits with their schedule.  Cue the parades!  I solved my mystery!  I feel pretty excited to have stumbled upon this little gem.

So where does that leave us?  Glad you asked.  It may seem radical and it may seem crazy, but if you don’t take a risk or stay true to what you want, what’s the point?  And what I want, as previously stated, is for as many people to do yoga at an affordable price.  This isn’t the first time we’ve shaken up the schedule, but at last we found a way to move closer to the end goal of a donation studio.  Starting on March 1, we are going to streamline our schedule and make it more accessible to the masses.  I’m nervous, I’m excited and most of all quite intrigued to see how people react.  By removing class labels and just advertising that we teach “yoga” I’m hoping those who are curious about starting to practice will feel less intimidated.  By removing levels, I’m hoping that people can start to let go of ideas of being advanced or moving on to more difficult poses and be excited about what they can do today.

No one else in Chicago (that I know of) is doing this.  So that at least makes us different.  So Chicago, how about it?  If you want to practice yoga in a great space with some awesome teachers, try us out.  Come to a class labeled yoga.  You’ll love it.

Climbing out of the hole

Many times a day, almost everyday, I think to myself “How did I get here?”  Meaning, how did I decided to open a business and think that was a good idea.  Yes, I know you are all thinking, “Another post about the studio?”  And I have this to say, you’re damn right.

I’m glad that I was raised by people who encouraged me to embrace experiences and use them as a means to become a better, more thoughtful human.  Being a business owner is hard.  It’s hard to not take everything personally.  Why has that student never returned?  Are other businesses taking public jabs at us or I am just being paranoid?  Am I making the right decisions for my students and teachers?  The questions never end.  The struggle between dwelling on these mostly unanswerable questions and just letting it all go takes up a good chunk of my daily routine.  Usually I am smart enough to take a deep breath and a step back so I can appreciate how far our little studio has come in three very short months.  Usually I am smart enough to remember that we have just opened and barely scratched the surface of our potential to be an influential and successful studio.  It’s not just about the bottom line and making money.  That is obviously important, otherwise we would not be able to remain open.  But what I most deeply care about and strive to achieve is ensuring that each student that walks through our door feels comfortable, peaceful, and has an experience which allows them to delve deeper into their own self.

If someone is able to open their own eyes to all of the growth lessons life hurls at them, they are very lucky.   And man am I getting a ton of opportunities.  Vacillating between the swirling fears of inadequacy and staying rooted in confidence and faith in myself and our business is tantamount to jumping in and out of Lake Michigan on a winter day.  But, like I said, I am fortunate to have been taught to seize these moments of chaos and hysterical blindness and transform them into calm and lucidness.  Sometimes it feels easier to fall into the depths of self-doubt but if I were to submit to those feelings only the studio, Scott and me would suffer.  The valuable examples of my parents and mentors provide a much needed life raft in these situations.

Scott and I joke that we had a baby this year.  I am here to tell you that is what it has felt like from the beginning!  We nurtured the studio idea from conception, fed the obscure mass with plans and decisions, birthed the space at 7005 N Glenwood, and finally are constantly tending to the growth and maturation of our little guy.  And it requires beaucoups of awareness to comprehend that each baby, or studio rather (lest I digress into my allegory any further), is unique.  And let’s be frank, not everyone is going to like your baby.  Crap!  I can’t get away from the analogy.  Moving on.

It takes a lot of balls to do what we did and the response has been overwhelming from our friends, families, and neighborhood.  So there is that.  One reason I love yoga is that it teaches me to embrace patience and compassion.  Not only towards myself, but what is happening around me.  I am one of those people that needs to be reminded that we can’t always perform at our peak.  Sometimes we need gentleness.  I hope that I can continue to espouse these tendencies of grace and acceptance, even if it takes me a while to get there.

My Husband is no Superman…

But he sure is close.  Back off ladies he’s taken and he has the wedding band tan to prove it.  I know all women aren’t neurotic or impulsive or even risk takers.  But I suppose I am.  One would have to be in order to go into business for themselves with no experience, no business degree, and no serious financial backers.  No, I don’t have any of those alleged prerequisites for opening a small business.  But I do have one thing, Scott Olson.

Foolishly, I thought that opening a yoga studio would be relatively easy.  I kept telling friends, family and strangers that the good thing about choosing a yoga studio as a new business is that you don’t need very much stuff to open.  You just need bodies and a space to practice.  This is mostly true.  One also needs to market to the public to get those said bodies in the door!  When sitting down at the very start of my planning, I remember making my budget and estimating opening costs and coming up with a number that sounded reasonable.  Mind you, my guess included all licensing fees, decor, props, rent, and general office supplies one needs in order to operate on a very bare level.  After being open for a month and looking back all the Target trips and prop ordering, I realized my original guesstimate was laughable.  I think we spent close to it without even paying the first month’s rent and the security deposit.

Luckily, Scott had a good job and was very supportive.  Albeit, as much as one could be when working full time downtown.  But having Scott keep his job meant we would be able to maintain our current lifestyle while I tried to get the studio up and running.  Sure the start up costs were more than we thought, but hey, it’s all for the business!  Feeling settled and preparing to open the studio in a mere six days after signing our lease, I realized that I was about to be teaching twenty-two classes a week, become the studio and office manager, the front desk person, and still be expected to function as normal human.  We needed to hire someone and fast.  With an opening day of Monday, the Wednesday prior Scott and I started doing interviews to find that perfect person to be the face of our business.  We met some great ones.  None of them were exactly right, but they all had wonderful qualities that would contribute nicely to the vibe we wanted to create.  We wanted to be a family business, locally owned and operated and become a part of our community.

That’s when we realized that the face of our business needed to be us.  Scott and me.  I think the term is downshifting, and that’s what we did.  We decided to forgo trips to Whole Foods, dinners at Uncommon Ground, and settle for what we really cared about:  building something together.  Scott left his good job to become all the things I couldn’t at the studio.  He gave up his blossoming career doing web design for well known companies in order to man the desk and become a part of what we working to create.  Surprisingly, or not, he found that he loves it here.  At the studio, we get to directly interact with the people that we are working for.  Not only them.  But the people in the community, yogis and non-yogis, who are just happy to have a positive business open in our neighborhood.

As for our lifestyle, it’s definitely harder.  Every night at around 9:45 I hit a wall and fall straight to sleep.  Dinner is thrown together, usually by Scott who then usually does the clean up as well.  I’m asleep, remember?  Social life?  Not quite.  And then finally, our puppy.  Scott has become practically a single parent.  He does all of this with no complaints and no sour faces (that I can see).

So if you have a glass in front of you, raise it to good partners who support our crazy ideas completely and happily.

Cheers.

Why I do what I do…

Yoga came to me by accident. I wasn’t looking for a way to loose weight or exercise. Truth be told, I hate exercise. I don’t remember the exact reason I started attending my office’s weekly yoga class, but I think it had something to do with fun. The day after my first class it was obvious that it was a physical practice because I was sore in places I didn’t know existed. I kept going because I enjoyed it. Muscle tone and definition was a bonus, not the reason I continued.

The best aspect of yoga is its simplicity: very basic body forms that are linked with breath to create an almost dance like sequence. My favorite aspect of yoga is that it is a personal journey.

Generally, people don’t care for others telling them the way they are doing something they love is wrong. I often hear of yoga disciples calling out people for not doing “real” yoga. For instance, if you aren’t vegetarian (or even better, vegan!), meditating for hours every day, using the physical practice as a tool to reach enlightenment, or wearing homemade hemp clothing, well you’re just doing it all wrong and should really move along to spin class. I’m afraid that I fall into this category of so-called fake yoga. I eat meat, but sometimes feel guilty so that counts for something, right? I find mediation to be excruciatingly difficult and I own no hemp or handmade clothing.

People who argue that these vital parts are the only way to a true yogic lifestyle are entitled to their opinion, even if I don’t agree. I’m a good yogi so I try not to judge. Each time I practice in a studio or by myself at home there is definitely something visceral and intangible happening.  If you have ever taken a yoga class (or ten), you may have heard the teacher say “try to make your practice a moving meditation”.  This is where I come in with my argument that yoga is personal and students get to do it their own way.

People come to yoga because they are looking for something more than a quick fix for slimming down. There are more efficient ways to get fit.  Sure, yoga can be considered fitness and can be very challenging, but so is spending 30 minutes on an elliptical. Or five minutes if you’re me.

I don’t pretend to be a guru or a master when it comes to yoga. But I do know that there is something different about a yoga practice that one doesn’t get from that elliptical or treadmill. When people ask me why I love yoga, I tell them that it balances me inside and out. I can tell a difference when I don’t practice, and that’s real enough for me.